For the 2 years (I think) that I've kept this blog, I've always concentrated on Photography. And you know what, as much as I love Photography, I feel like they don't mean anything. Yes, I like looking at them, but I think an opportunity to have a blog like this deserves so much more. 

I've never trusted my writing skills. I'm not a book worm, nor a grammar nazi, I just write what I think and what I see, so without further ado, I am now writing my first blog post. It may be long, but I hope you do take time to read this. 

Most people will think I am cheesy or I don't know about anything I'm writing about, but I really don't care. These are just things I have to get off my chest. 

I actually got inspired by this youtube video. Particularly 5:21 onwards

I'm not even sure if anyone is reading this but, here it goes. 

For most of what I remember in my life, I've been struggling with identities and confidence and emotions, general stuff about my being. You see, I am the middle child of a really big family, and sometimes I really don't know where to place myself, or how to place myself. "Am I one of the big kids or the small ones?" "Should I show everyone I'm sad? or maybe they'll just ignore me?" "I want to be as funny as them" "I think I'm the odd man out". But, I really don't blame anyone on having those thoughts. It's just natural to think that as a middle child. And then, the struggle intensified when I entered school. I wanted to please everybody so that I could belong. I remember even pretending to be a cool kid or bringing shiny glittery stuff to school so that people would come near me and ask if they could borrow it too. As I grew older, I've never actually lost that mentality.  Maybe it may have been hidden underneath all my excuses and all the other shallow frills of my being, but I never really lost that need to belong somewhere. And now that I'm 19, I am still that little girl, fighting and crawling and clinging on to every bit of affection I could need, because I see in the world that to be strong, you have to hide your emotions. That to be strong, you have to hide every bit of insecurity, every bit of weakness in you, everything I am, basically and show that I do not care about anything. To be strong I had to leave behind all the "clingyness" , the need to belong, everything. But you know what, I realized, that I am not weak. I AM NOT WEAK. 

Yes, I cry at weddings, I cry when someone dies in movies, 
yes, I get clingy easily 
and I really get hurt easily, 
but you know what? 
Knowing this, I am still brave enough to face anything that I have to face, 
even if it would hurt me more than an average insensitive strong person, 
because you know what? 

Even if it doesn't look it, I can take the pain. 

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